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Collection of your mom and your momma jokes

Your momma is so stupid she climbed over a glass wall just to see whats on the other side!


Yo momma so fat, scientists have declared her ass to be the 10th planet.
Yo momma's so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
Your momma's so poor she can't even pay attention!
Your mamma is so fat she's on both sides of the family.
Your mamma is so fat when we were having sex I rolled over 9 times and I was still on the BITCH!!!!!
Yo momma so ugly your Grandma threw her on the street and was charged for littering.
Yo momma so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!
Yo momma so ugly, she walked into Taco Bell and everyone ran for the border.
Yo momma is like a toilet; fat, white, and smells like shit !!
Yo momma is like a bowling ball, gets picked up fingered, thrown in the gutter and bitch comes back for more.
Your mamma is so poor she was kicking a can down the street, asked what she was doing and she said moving.
Yo momma is like a bottle of ketchup, she gets turned around, banged, and then she comes out slow.
Your mother is like a doorknob.... everyone gets a turn!
Your mom is like a race car driver, she burns 50 rubbers a day.
Your momma is like a vacuum cleaner, she sucks, blows and gets laid in the closet.
Your mothers so fat, they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
Yo momma's so stupid she thought a quarterback is a refund.
Yo momma's glasses are so thick when she looks at a map she sees people waving.
Yo momma's hair so greasy when she gets in the car the oil light comes on.
Yo momma is a carpenter's dream...she's flat as a board and she's never been screwed.
Yo momma is so fat she has more chins than a Chinese phonebook.
Yo momma is so fat her blood type is rocky road.
Yo momma is so fat when God said let there be light, he said move your fat butt out of the way.
Yo momma is so dumb she got hit by a park car.
Yo momma is so dumb she tripped over a cordless phone.
Yo momma is so fat she uses a mattress as a tampon.
Yo momma is so fat she put on a pair of Guess Jeans and the answer popped out.
Yo momma's so fat, she irons her clothes on the drive way!
Yo momma's glasses are so thick, when she looks at a map she sees people waving.
Yo momma's so fat, she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world!
Yo momma's so ugly, when you look up "ugly" in the dictionary, there's a picture of her!
Yo momma's so short, she does back flips under the bed!
Yo momma is like a shotgun, one cock and she'll blow
Yo momma's so fat she can't even fit in the chat room.
Yo Momma's so fat she gets her toenails painted at Lucky's Auto Body.
Your momma's armpits so stink she put on Right Guard and it went left.
Your momma's like a hardware store, 5 cents a screw.
Your momma's house is so small, when you buy a large pizza you have to go outside and eat it
Your momma's so hairy they filmed Gorillas in the Mist in her shower!
Yo momma's got more mileage then a New York city taxi.
Yo momma's face is so pimply that her tears need a 4x4 to get down her face.
Yo momma's so loose, she jerks herself with the fat end of a baseball bat.
Yo momma so poor when I rang the doorbell she stuck her head out the window and yelled ding dong.
Yo momma so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
Yo momma's so poor, she has to hang toilet paper out to dry.
Yo momma's so poor, when I stepped on a lit match in her house, she yelled "Who turned off the furnace"!
Yo momma's so poor, she can't get rid of the roaches in her house 'cause they pay half the rent!
Yo momma's feet are so crusty, when she walks on a wooden floor, it sounds like she's tap dancing.
Yo momma's like a pie, everybody gets a piece.
Yo momma's so fat that when she asked for a water bed, they threw a blanket over the pacific ocean.
Yo momma's like a "Happy Meal" small, cheap and greasy!
Your momma's so fat, your family pictures have to be taken by a satellite!
Your momma's like the village bicycle, everybody gets a ride.
Yo momma's got a party in her mouth tonight, and everybody's cumming.
Yo momma's so short, she can sit on a dime and swing her legs.
Yo mama so skinny her pyjamas only have one stripe.
Your mommas so ugly the army doesn't use guns any more, they use her picture.
You're mama is so poor that she chases the garbage truck with a shopping list.
Yo momma is so fat she caught a flesh-eating virus... and that was three years ago.
Yo momma so short she can hang glides Doritos.
Your mother is so fat she asked for a water bed and they put a blanket over the ocean.
Yo Momma's so fat, when she walks by the TV I miss a season of Friends.
Yo momma's so stupid she sold her car for gas money.
Yo mamma so old she has the autographed version of the Bible.
Yo Mamas so stupid she locked herself in the bathroom and pissed her pants.
Yo mama's so poor, she chases a garbage truck with a grocery list!
Yo momma so ugly all the neighbours pitched in for curtains.
Yo momma's so short she did a suicide jump off the curb.
Yo momma's so short, you could see her feet on her driver license.
Yo momma's so stupid, she call you a son of a bitch.
Yo momma's so fat she's got more rolls than a bakery.
Yo momma is so fat she falls off both sides of the bed.
Your mom's so fat she can't even jump to a conclusion.
Your mom's so fat, when she dances the band skips.
Your mom's so fat, I have to take a bus a train and a cab just to get on her good side.
Your mother's so fat, her clothes have stretch marks.
Your mother's so fat, she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones.
Your mother's so fat, you could slap her butt and ride the waves.
Your mother's so fat, she needs a hula hoop to keep her socks up.
Your mother's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
Your mother's so fat, when they used her underwear for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.
Your mother's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she looks at the menu and says, "OK"!
Your mom's so fat, when she lays on the beach, people run around yelling, "Free Willie!"
Your mom's so big, she plays marbles with planets.
Your mom's so fat, her belt size is the equator.
Your mom's so fat, she has to buy two airplane tickets.
Your mom's so fat, when she turns around they throw her a welcome back party.
Your mom's so fat she uses a satellite dish as a diaphragm.
Your mom's so fat when she took her dress to the cleaners they told her, "Sorry, we don't do curtains."
Your mom's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of franks.
Your mom's so fat, she sat on four quarters and made a dollar.
Your mom's so big, when the family wants to watch home movies they ask her to wear white.
Your mothers so fat, she was baptized at Sea World.
Your mothers so fat, people jog around her for exercise.
Your mothers so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
Your mothers so fat, she's on a light diet...as soon as it gets light out she starts eating.
Your mothers so big that she sat on a rainbow and got Skittles.
Your mothers so fat that when she wore an "X" jacket a helicopter tried to land on her back.
Your mothers head is so big, it shows up on radar.
Your mothers so fat, when she went to the beach, she was the only one that got a tan.
Your mothers so fat your bath tub has stretch marks.
Your mothers so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."
Your mothers so fat, she got a run in her jeans.
Your mothers so fat, she irons her clothes on the driveway.
Your mothers so fat, she sells shade in the summer.
Your mothers so fat, she left the house with high-heels and came back with flip-flops.
Your mothers so fat, when I got on top of her my ears popped.
Your mothers so fat, she influences the tides.
Your mothers so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself to sleep trying to get up again.
Your mothers so fat, she was baptized at Marine World.
Your mothers so fat, she has her own area code.
Your mothers so fat, they got her face on the Crisco can.
Your mothers so fat, she stepped on a scale and it said "Sorry, we don't do live stock."
Yo mama so fat, were in her right now.
Yo mama so ugly, her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo mama so ugly, when she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?"
Yo mama so fat, every time someone say "Kool Aid" she bust through the wall.
Yo mama so fat, her legs are like spoiled milk - white & chunky!
Yo mama so fat, you have to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot to fuck her
Yo mama so fat, she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
Yo mama so fat, she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
Yo mama so nasty, I called her for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.
Yo mama so ugly, she went into an hunted house and came out with an application
Yo mama so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
Yo mama so ugly, her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
Yo mama so ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo mama so ugly, that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
Yo mama so ugly, when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours... for a quote!
Yo mama so fat, her nickname is "DAMN"
Yo mama so fat, that she needs a sock for each toe
Yo mama so fat, she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo mama so slutty, she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball!
Yo mama so slutty, she could suck a golf ball through six feet of garden hose
Yo mama so poor, her face is on the front of a food stamp.
Yo mama's like a refrigerator, everyone sticks their meat in her.
Yo momma is like a bowling ball she gets three fingers, thrown in the gutter, and comes back for more.
Your mom Your mom is so fat she comes from both sides of the family
your moma is so skinny she can hola hoop with a fruit loop!!
your mom is so tall when she does a backflip she kicks jesus in the mouth.
your mom is so fat the only time she sees 90210 is when she steps on a scale.
Yo Mamma is so fat that she stepped on a weight scale and it said one at a time please!
Your Momas so fat her belt size is equator.
your moms like a christmas tree, everyone gets to put their balls on it
your mama so old when you pat her on the back her tits fall off.
Your mom is so ugly that when she put her head down beside her cereal bowl to hear the "snap, crackle, pop" all she heard was "Ahh lets get the hell outta here!!!".
Your is so fat that god said "Let there be light" when she moved her fat ass.
Your mom is so ugly that when three masked robbers broke into her house, she yelled "RAPE!" and they yelled "NO!"
Yo momma's so fat she puts her lipstick on with a paint roller.
your moms like a hardware store 5 cents a screw
yo mama is so stupid she thinks taco bell is a mexican phone company
ur moma is so fat she went down the stairs and broke her leg and gravy came out.
Your mom is so ugly, when she stuck her face out the window, the police arrested her for mooning people
Your mom's so fat, when she got into the bathtub, the neighbors water system overflowed.
Your mom is so fat when ever she turn around it's her birthday
Your mother's so fat, she got busted for carrying 200 pounds of crack
your mom is so stupid she took an over size soup spoon to the super bowl
your mother is so fat, when she jumps up in the air, she gets stuck
your mom is so ugly, she went into a haunted house and came out with a job application
yo mama is so old she sat behind jesus in the third grade
Yo mama's so ugly, she went into a haunted house and came out with a job application.


A little boy comes down for breakfast and his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," says the little boy.

His mother tells him that until he completes them, he won't be getting any breakfast.

Well, he's a little angry, so he goes to feed the chickens and kicks one. He goes to feed the cows, and kicks a cow as well. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.

"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat half way across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile and says, "Are you going to tell him, or shall I?"


"I'm ashamed of you," the mother said. "Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do!" "He threw a rock at me!" the boy said. "So I threw one at him." The mother stated emphatically, "When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me." The boy quickly replied, "What good would that have done? My aim is much better than yours."


As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Mom, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth, pretending to eat them, before rushing out of the room again. When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed with a devastated look on her face. "Mommy, where's my booger?" she asked.

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Custom Search
Travel Guide

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Water Parks
Wineries
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Hotels/Motels
Bed & Breakfast
Romantic Places
Pet Friendly
Pick Your Own Farms
Farmers Markets

County Maps
Horseback Riding
Night Life Fun
Downhill Skiing
Cross Country Skiing
Snowmobiling
Golf Courses
Racetracks in America
Wildlife & Hunting
Canoeing
Kayaking
Rafting

Fishing
Campgrounds
RV Parks
Recipes
Recreation Trails
State Park
West Palm Beach Condos


 
Updated Links

 

 

 
 

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